Is yet another new friend I've made recently. It started out that he and I were just random people who knew one person in common and never actually talked, and then on what would have been my dad's birthday, he commented on my journal entry on LJ and then we started talking on there for a few hours, leading to him giving me his email addy and phone number for texting, which was really neat of him. We've been nonstop texting each other for the past two days. It's cool to have a friend, especially one that John assumes I've been friends with for forever. I don't have to prove myself to John or Jason about this, and that's freaking awesome.
I've found religion again. I even asked someone about the Mormon religion and how it's different from Christianity. Said person is sending me bunches of reading material.
I wonder if he would understand and not just pity me if I told him about my relationship and stuff with John? I really hope not. This is the best connection I've had with someone in years, and I really don't want to lose that.
I really, really like him. I just kind of wish for my own jealous and personal needs that he'd break up with his g/f. I hate thinking like that, but being completely honest, it's true. I actually love this person, yeah, cliche I know, and I know that he feels at least a little bit of a connection with me as well. Just really wish that I had someone who would completely understand what John puts me through on a daily basis. The mental anguish I deal with, the bitching, the whining, he treats me like a slave most of the time and I just take it. And I'll continue to take it until I have funds to move out of here. I don't really have a choice.
So anyhow, John and his dad really got into it tonight, and his dad basically told him that he needs to find another place to live. We would have been kicked out had J not threatened his dad with breaking the lease. Heh. It expires in less than a year and I assume daddy dearest will be waiting for that exact moment. I've got to end this and find a place to stay. It's mandatory. Gotta love life.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
And just when things start looking up...
He brings me down.
I made a friend. Yay. However, because that friend isn't someone that John particularly likes, he doesn't want me around her. Ever. And then his infamous comment...
"... well I can't tell you who to talk to, I can't tell you who your friends are, but stay away from her..."
Yeah. She's a person. A human being with a rough past that she's put behind her. So yeah, let's start judging people and then teach our children not to. What the hell?
You know, I think I might actually hang out with her sometime. Because I need some time away from John.
I made a friend. Yay. However, because that friend isn't someone that John particularly likes, he doesn't want me around her. Ever. And then his infamous comment...
"... well I can't tell you who to talk to, I can't tell you who your friends are, but stay away from her..."
Yeah. She's a person. A human being with a rough past that she's put behind her. So yeah, let's start judging people and then teach our children not to. What the hell?
You know, I think I might actually hang out with her sometime. Because I need some time away from John.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Completely sick of it...
I'm sick of the whining. I'm sick of the temper tantrums. I'm sick of being publicly embarassed, because apparently it's okay for the kids to say "dick" in a heavily populated area, but not "cunt."
I'm just sick of it.
And part of me wants to go ahead and "take a walk down the street," except that "down the street" is my term for "over to Michael's house." I want to get away from these bratty little fucks. I want to be alone. I want to get high. Sobriety isn't for me. It never really was.
Now, I could just go around and raid my allergy meds, but that would just make me more tired, hence more irritable. I don't want to be around John. I don't want to be around anyone right now... especially the kids. And for some reason, Louis finds it fun to come in here every two seconds so he can tell me that he can kill some thing on a game he's playing. Great. Do I care? No. Would I ever fucking care? No.
I come back here to be by myself. Not so that you follow me. Get it, got it, good.
And it's getting a lot worse since the twenty-fourth is coming by so soon. One week. Seven days. This is my week from hell. And it hasn't really started yet. If I end up killing myself, just assume that the depression has finally gotten to me.
And there's not a second that's going by that I'm not thinking about him. Even if it's just some small tidbit in the back of my mind, he's there.
I really wish Michael would befriend me again. I can't deal with this alone.
Somebody help me.
And I didn't actually sleep last night. I tossed and turned for about thirty minutes, then got back up and back on the computer. I'm running off absolutely no energy, and I feel like shit. And I need to get high. Note, I don't just "want" to get high, I actually need it. The suicidal tendencies are growing stronger. Drugs are my way away from that all.
I suppose I could go ahead and get a two hour nap right now if I wanted. Or I could wait until they all decide to get on their games and go walking up to Michael's. I'll eventually make a decision.
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down...
I'm just sick of it.
And part of me wants to go ahead and "take a walk down the street," except that "down the street" is my term for "over to Michael's house." I want to get away from these bratty little fucks. I want to be alone. I want to get high. Sobriety isn't for me. It never really was.
Now, I could just go around and raid my allergy meds, but that would just make me more tired, hence more irritable. I don't want to be around John. I don't want to be around anyone right now... especially the kids. And for some reason, Louis finds it fun to come in here every two seconds so he can tell me that he can kill some thing on a game he's playing. Great. Do I care? No. Would I ever fucking care? No.
I come back here to be by myself. Not so that you follow me. Get it, got it, good.
And it's getting a lot worse since the twenty-fourth is coming by so soon. One week. Seven days. This is my week from hell. And it hasn't really started yet. If I end up killing myself, just assume that the depression has finally gotten to me.
And there's not a second that's going by that I'm not thinking about him. Even if it's just some small tidbit in the back of my mind, he's there.
I really wish Michael would befriend me again. I can't deal with this alone.
Somebody help me.
And I didn't actually sleep last night. I tossed and turned for about thirty minutes, then got back up and back on the computer. I'm running off absolutely no energy, and I feel like shit. And I need to get high. Note, I don't just "want" to get high, I actually need it. The suicidal tendencies are growing stronger. Drugs are my way away from that all.
I suppose I could go ahead and get a two hour nap right now if I wanted. Or I could wait until they all decide to get on their games and go walking up to Michael's. I'll eventually make a decision.
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
So it's like this...
Michael assumed that I stole some of his weed. I did not. He refused to believe me for a while, and probably still doesn't, and now he wants to stop being my supplier. He's been lying to my face telling me that he doesn't have any at all. The other day I went over and found roaches sitting in his ashtray. Did I say anything to him? No. For the past few days, he's been having his smoking buddies and his clients over. I know that he's just holding out on me, and since there's no way in hell Don wants anything to do with us anymore, it's basically impossible for me to get high. And every time I mention to John that I'd like some alcohol, he blatantly refuses and starts a giant fight about how "he's so horrible that I have to drink just to get over him" which isn't the case. My mind's just kinda fucked up right now having to be sober, and I don't care that everyone around me thinks that this is doing me some good, because it isn't. I can't wait until John finally decides to let me get my drivers' license, because then I can get a job, hence money, meaning that I can buy my own shit.
I've already told R that I'm moving out as soon as I have the money to do so. Perhaps I should call her? Maybe.
I got to thinking last night about everything in this house that is actually MINE. Once I leave, John won't have shit. I would feel sorry for him for that fact, but after all the shit he's put me through over the past THREE YEARS, I think I've done enough for him.
Oh, and lately he expects me to be able to read his mind. The other night he was all bitchy because I didn't know right off the bat that he wanted to have sex. What the hell?
Oh, and the reason that Don doesn't want anything to do with us? Because we don't have as much money as he does because we don't live with our mommies and have no bills to pay. We have expenses. I fucking bought him a $200 camera and THIS is how he decides to repay us? Now that I know just how fucked up people are, I'm through giving out presents to people that are my friends.
And dad's birthday is this month, meaning that I'm going to force myself to smoke his cigar on his birthday. I'm dreading that day SO MUCH. I expect to get calls from Martine and Zach, and probably R as well. Jerome might call. To be perfectly honest, I just really don't want to hear from my family. It's going to be bad enough having John expect me to be happy as fuck. At least the kids shouldn't be here though. That'll make things better. I hate talking about dad in front of them, because they don't seem to understand the concept of death, much less the death of your family rock, the only person who ever seemed to be there for you when you needed it.
I just wish I had friends right now. I'd be putting on makeup to go out. o.o
So the question is, how is it that people make friends? I have no idea, and that's why I'm so lost. So please, tell me. Comment about it. I need to know.
I felt so pretty today, and we didn't even go anywhere important.
And then the kids started making profane remarks around elderly women in the store. Score one for Johnnie. So I've realized that no matter where I go with them, they will embarass me to no end. They will annoy me to the ends of the earth.
Oh, and Louis decided that since he didn't get a toy, he'd just throw a fit. He ended up stealing some gum from Hudsons, and John just brushed it off. WTF? Last night the little fucker was trying to steal from Wal-Mart... right in front of the cameras. How does John deal with this? He tells Louis that if he had actually stolen it, he'd have been in trouble. What? So he's not in trouble for TRYING to steal it? WTF is wrong with you people? And why in fuck's name am I associating with you?
AND...
I spent Wednesday and Thursday cleaning (and I mean REALLY cleaning) the house. So what happens Friday? John decides that that's the day he wants to empty the truck. Okay, fine. But instead of putting things where they belong in the house, he just throws it all over the place, because god knows I didn't work quite hard enough to make him happy by cleaning the fucking house. And I'm still waiting for Sunday night when he decides to bitch about how the house isn't clean. And I'll take it. I'll fucking take it. It's just another reason for me to leave when I get ready to.
I've finally come to the conclusion that his kids? They're just like him. They don't know what the fuck a trash can is either. It's so annoying playing mommy to three children, one of which is almost 40 years old. And it's not like his kids are toddlers. No, these kids are 11 and 13. They can miraculously pick up after themselves at their mom's house, but that skill gets thrown out the window on the way to this house. And they know how hard I work. They do. Do I get a thanks for cleaning their clothes? No. Do I get one for making them food? No. Do I get a fucking thank you for cleaning up their rooms? Hell no. Because that might make them look weak to me, and they've been taught otherwise. So, no, I'm not going to be told thank you. Because then they might have to use the rest of their manners. God knows that'd be horrible. And let's face it, they're teens and preteens. So yeah, John. Why not let them steal, just so long as they don't get caught. And let's let them take people for granted, because in the real world that'll work just fine.
I try so hard to be a fucking stepmom to these little brats, but I can't do it for much longer. I keep saying that. But when you really think about it, I can't fucking stand kids.
When I was 10, I was basically Zach's mother, because our real mother was too busy playing on the computer and hanging out in chat rooms. From then until we moved to Oklahoma (when I was around 13 or 14) I was a mother. And I have to say that I did SUCH a great job with that little boy. It was Martine that fucked it up. Because the fact is, he wasn't nearly the little snot he is now until she got a hold of him. You don't bribe kids. You don't give in to their every whim. You let them know who the parent is and you keep it that way.
When I was 19, I met John's kids. The first few times they came over, they were perfect angels. Now that they know how to manipulate people (thanks, John), they basically do whatever the fuck they want. They know that they can and will get away with more over here than at their mom's house. Because John's a big softie for them. He'll do anything just so long as they still love him and want to be around him 24/7. He's not meant to be a parent. Let's just put it that way.
I could REALLY use a joint right now. You don't understand it. I need to go into the bathroom, smoke a joint, and chill for a little while. Maybe take a bath. I need to be alone where nobody's going to bother me. Do I have weed? Of course not, because Michael decided that he thinks I'm a thief like his nephews. I didn't steal his shit. I cared about him. I still do. But now he's constantly an asshole to me. I just thought that we could have been friends. And now I know that we never could have. Because somehow, somewhere, something's going to get fucked up, and I will always be alone.
Fuck you, world.
I've already told R that I'm moving out as soon as I have the money to do so. Perhaps I should call her? Maybe.
I got to thinking last night about everything in this house that is actually MINE. Once I leave, John won't have shit. I would feel sorry for him for that fact, but after all the shit he's put me through over the past THREE YEARS, I think I've done enough for him.
Oh, and lately he expects me to be able to read his mind. The other night he was all bitchy because I didn't know right off the bat that he wanted to have sex. What the hell?
Oh, and the reason that Don doesn't want anything to do with us? Because we don't have as much money as he does because we don't live with our mommies and have no bills to pay. We have expenses. I fucking bought him a $200 camera and THIS is how he decides to repay us? Now that I know just how fucked up people are, I'm through giving out presents to people that are my friends.
And dad's birthday is this month, meaning that I'm going to force myself to smoke his cigar on his birthday. I'm dreading that day SO MUCH. I expect to get calls from Martine and Zach, and probably R as well. Jerome might call. To be perfectly honest, I just really don't want to hear from my family. It's going to be bad enough having John expect me to be happy as fuck. At least the kids shouldn't be here though. That'll make things better. I hate talking about dad in front of them, because they don't seem to understand the concept of death, much less the death of your family rock, the only person who ever seemed to be there for you when you needed it.
I just wish I had friends right now. I'd be putting on makeup to go out. o.o
So the question is, how is it that people make friends? I have no idea, and that's why I'm so lost. So please, tell me. Comment about it. I need to know.
I felt so pretty today, and we didn't even go anywhere important.
And then the kids started making profane remarks around elderly women in the store. Score one for Johnnie. So I've realized that no matter where I go with them, they will embarass me to no end. They will annoy me to the ends of the earth.
Oh, and Louis decided that since he didn't get a toy, he'd just throw a fit. He ended up stealing some gum from Hudsons, and John just brushed it off. WTF? Last night the little fucker was trying to steal from Wal-Mart... right in front of the cameras. How does John deal with this? He tells Louis that if he had actually stolen it, he'd have been in trouble. What? So he's not in trouble for TRYING to steal it? WTF is wrong with you people? And why in fuck's name am I associating with you?
AND...
I spent Wednesday and Thursday cleaning (and I mean REALLY cleaning) the house. So what happens Friday? John decides that that's the day he wants to empty the truck. Okay, fine. But instead of putting things where they belong in the house, he just throws it all over the place, because god knows I didn't work quite hard enough to make him happy by cleaning the fucking house. And I'm still waiting for Sunday night when he decides to bitch about how the house isn't clean. And I'll take it. I'll fucking take it. It's just another reason for me to leave when I get ready to.
I've finally come to the conclusion that his kids? They're just like him. They don't know what the fuck a trash can is either. It's so annoying playing mommy to three children, one of which is almost 40 years old. And it's not like his kids are toddlers. No, these kids are 11 and 13. They can miraculously pick up after themselves at their mom's house, but that skill gets thrown out the window on the way to this house. And they know how hard I work. They do. Do I get a thanks for cleaning their clothes? No. Do I get one for making them food? No. Do I get a fucking thank you for cleaning up their rooms? Hell no. Because that might make them look weak to me, and they've been taught otherwise. So, no, I'm not going to be told thank you. Because then they might have to use the rest of their manners. God knows that'd be horrible. And let's face it, they're teens and preteens. So yeah, John. Why not let them steal, just so long as they don't get caught. And let's let them take people for granted, because in the real world that'll work just fine.
I try so hard to be a fucking stepmom to these little brats, but I can't do it for much longer. I keep saying that. But when you really think about it, I can't fucking stand kids.
When I was 10, I was basically Zach's mother, because our real mother was too busy playing on the computer and hanging out in chat rooms. From then until we moved to Oklahoma (when I was around 13 or 14) I was a mother. And I have to say that I did SUCH a great job with that little boy. It was Martine that fucked it up. Because the fact is, he wasn't nearly the little snot he is now until she got a hold of him. You don't bribe kids. You don't give in to their every whim. You let them know who the parent is and you keep it that way.
When I was 19, I met John's kids. The first few times they came over, they were perfect angels. Now that they know how to manipulate people (thanks, John), they basically do whatever the fuck they want. They know that they can and will get away with more over here than at their mom's house. Because John's a big softie for them. He'll do anything just so long as they still love him and want to be around him 24/7. He's not meant to be a parent. Let's just put it that way.
I could REALLY use a joint right now. You don't understand it. I need to go into the bathroom, smoke a joint, and chill for a little while. Maybe take a bath. I need to be alone where nobody's going to bother me. Do I have weed? Of course not, because Michael decided that he thinks I'm a thief like his nephews. I didn't steal his shit. I cared about him. I still do. But now he's constantly an asshole to me. I just thought that we could have been friends. And now I know that we never could have. Because somehow, somewhere, something's going to get fucked up, and I will always be alone.
Fuck you, world.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Greedy
"I'm tearing away
Pieces are falling
I can't seem to make them stay
You run away
Faster and faster
You can't seem to get away
Break
Hope there's a reason
For questions unanswered
I just don't see everything
Yes I'm inside you
Tell me how does it feel to feel like this
Just like I do
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
Do I really want this
Sometimes I scare myself I just can't let it go
Can you believe it
Everything happens for reasons I just don't know
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone or anything but me
Damn I love me
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone"
Sorry, got caught in the middle of listening to Drowning Pool on my radios. XD I like this song cause I am a greedy ass bitch when it all comes down to it. I have a need for certain things, so of course, I'm going to live myself the way it's worked out thus far.
I can't help but think that at least Michael would drive me to and from work. True, he'd probably just be as asshole-y as John is half the time about money, but at least then I could say that I had my own money and it was basically for me. We wouldn't be dating. He'd have no right, whatsoever, over my cash.
I basically just want to decorate a place and clean it up. It's impossible around here what with the kids throwing shit on the floor faster than even Superman could clean it up. They're little trashy monsters. I hate them, I hate their father, they all make fun of me and think it's just hilarious whenever they hit me and I cry. Fuck you, you little fuckers. All of you.
Thinking of making a nice little rest stop to the bathroom, but I'd be smoking the very last of my stems, and I've still got to find a way to get more from Michael soon, cause these children WILL drive me up the fucking wall.
Pieces are falling
I can't seem to make them stay
You run away
Faster and faster
You can't seem to get away
Break
Hope there's a reason
For questions unanswered
I just don't see everything
Yes I'm inside you
Tell me how does it feel to feel like this
Just like I do
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
Do I really want this
Sometimes I scare myself I just can't let it go
Can you believe it
Everything happens for reasons I just don't know
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone or anything but me
Damn I love me
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone
I don't care about anyone else but me
I don't care about anyone"
Sorry, got caught in the middle of listening to Drowning Pool on my radios. XD I like this song cause I am a greedy ass bitch when it all comes down to it. I have a need for certain things, so of course, I'm going to live myself the way it's worked out thus far.
I can't help but think that at least Michael would drive me to and from work. True, he'd probably just be as asshole-y as John is half the time about money, but at least then I could say that I had my own money and it was basically for me. We wouldn't be dating. He'd have no right, whatsoever, over my cash.
I basically just want to decorate a place and clean it up. It's impossible around here what with the kids throwing shit on the floor faster than even Superman could clean it up. They're little trashy monsters. I hate them, I hate their father, they all make fun of me and think it's just hilarious whenever they hit me and I cry. Fuck you, you little fuckers. All of you.
Thinking of making a nice little rest stop to the bathroom, but I'd be smoking the very last of my stems, and I've still got to find a way to get more from Michael soon, cause these children WILL drive me up the fucking wall.
Lovefool
"Lately I have desperately pondered,
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not pledge a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go..."
Really craving friendship at this point. Maybe I should just come on out to Michael and tell him that I might be interested in staying with him for a while if he'd have me. Oh, who am I kidding? Nobody's that freaking generous. And I could lose the little bit of a friendship that I do have with him just by asking.
So, I've got my radio stations up and running. Jamming to Madonna at the moment, cause I'm in a Pop-Alternative mood for some reason. Waiting for Duran Duran...
So anyhow, Michael seemed to completely ignore my text messages to him this morning which kind of pissed me off. But, seeing as how there's really nothing I can do about it, I get to just deal with it. John's been trying to sneak around and see what I've been up to on the computer. It's my fucking computer, bought with my fucking money, using my internet. Why is this any of your concern?
Anyhow, they've just made lunch and I have to go eat it. I may end up posting again tonight. I really just hope that John finds another reason to get out of the house for a couple hours. I really want to hang out with Michael today.
Spent my nights awake and I wonder
What I could have done in another way
To make you stay
Reason will not pledge a solution
I will end up lost in confusion
I don't care if you really care
As long as you don't go..."
Really craving friendship at this point. Maybe I should just come on out to Michael and tell him that I might be interested in staying with him for a while if he'd have me. Oh, who am I kidding? Nobody's that freaking generous. And I could lose the little bit of a friendship that I do have with him just by asking.
So, I've got my radio stations up and running. Jamming to Madonna at the moment, cause I'm in a Pop-Alternative mood for some reason. Waiting for Duran Duran...
So anyhow, Michael seemed to completely ignore my text messages to him this morning which kind of pissed me off. But, seeing as how there's really nothing I can do about it, I get to just deal with it. John's been trying to sneak around and see what I've been up to on the computer. It's my fucking computer, bought with my fucking money, using my internet. Why is this any of your concern?
Anyhow, they've just made lunch and I have to go eat it. I may end up posting again tonight. I really just hope that John finds another reason to get out of the house for a couple hours. I really want to hang out with Michael today.
Friday, August 1, 2008
To Lose Everything...
I try to decipher whether or not I could leave everything behind me and start a new life. Start things over. Go out and just have to be responsible for myself. Yeah, I'd really like to live with Michael once he moves. He's leaving all of his family behind. He's a lot stronger than everyone gives him credit for. And he deals with a lot of bullshit from his family and so-called friends. I think that I may be one of the only real friends he has. If he's going to continue to smoke weed, yes, I'd very much like to be his roommate. He and I get along great together, we smoke together, I look out for him. He's like a big brother, and I like that. Knowing that he'll soon have enough money to live comfortably for a while totally brings out the whore side of me who just wants a sugardaddy, but then I realize that Michael and I are better friends than John and I are, and if Michael can take me wherever he's going, I'd like to start over new and just leave the giant void in my life behind. Leave everything and everyone that's ever hurt me or wished me harm. Just go. I just really want to move out of here. And Michael's place is really looking like a sane decision at the moment.
So, life's been.. well, life. I've been hanging out with Michael a lot more lately, and we're beginning a nice friendship. Before bed last night, I pictured myself living with him instead of John. It was nice. We wouldn't be dating, we'd just be roommates. It'd be really cool to live with a friend for once.
So I'm awake. And it's 9:30 in the morning, so we know there's a problem. I've been INCREDIBLY sick today and I don't know why. Perhaps stress for spending so much time over there and hoping John doesn't come home early? I don't know. I'll probably start cleaning up around here shortly. We've got the kids this weekend, so the house has to look decent. And I'll HAVE to see Michael today to talk about getting some weekend weed cause those kids are hell and I enjoy being stoned around them 24/7. Haha. Besides, John usually takes us to go see movies and shit when they're here.
Anyhow, smoked half a joint this morning. About to throw the roach in the pipe and smoke it too. The wonderful thing about being awake at 9:30 in the morning? There's enough time for the smell to disappate from my weedage. That's right, I get to smoke in any room of the house, and because of all the fans that are kept going, the smell will be gone by the time John gets home. I don't do this every day, mainly because I'm not up this early every day and I don't know what days John's dad is going to decide to drop in and try to fix this place up. Horrible having landlords... but good at the same time cause they fix shit.
I think I've basically figured out why I am the way I am. I'm naturally cautious. I'm a fucking responsible person, and because of that, I've never actually gotten wasted at a party, or even gone out to drink much with my friends in OK. I hate it. I wish that I could let loose and have a good time most of the time. It's in my genetic discription to make sure that everyone's all cool with each other and shit. It's random and weird.
So anyhow, I get to weigh myself today, and see if the exercising that I've been doing is paying off.
...
...
...
So, the verdict is, yes, I have been losing weight. Yay me. I just grabbed my pipe, so I'm going to smoke that roach now, and then shoot off a text to Michael to text me back when he wakes up.
So I'm awake. And it's 9:30 in the morning, so we know there's a problem. I've been INCREDIBLY sick today and I don't know why. Perhaps stress for spending so much time over there and hoping John doesn't come home early? I don't know. I'll probably start cleaning up around here shortly. We've got the kids this weekend, so the house has to look decent. And I'll HAVE to see Michael today to talk about getting some weekend weed cause those kids are hell and I enjoy being stoned around them 24/7. Haha. Besides, John usually takes us to go see movies and shit when they're here.
Anyhow, smoked half a joint this morning. About to throw the roach in the pipe and smoke it too. The wonderful thing about being awake at 9:30 in the morning? There's enough time for the smell to disappate from my weedage. That's right, I get to smoke in any room of the house, and because of all the fans that are kept going, the smell will be gone by the time John gets home. I don't do this every day, mainly because I'm not up this early every day and I don't know what days John's dad is going to decide to drop in and try to fix this place up. Horrible having landlords... but good at the same time cause they fix shit.
I think I've basically figured out why I am the way I am. I'm naturally cautious. I'm a fucking responsible person, and because of that, I've never actually gotten wasted at a party, or even gone out to drink much with my friends in OK. I hate it. I wish that I could let loose and have a good time most of the time. It's in my genetic discription to make sure that everyone's all cool with each other and shit. It's random and weird.
So anyhow, I get to weigh myself today, and see if the exercising that I've been doing is paying off.
...
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...
So, the verdict is, yes, I have been losing weight. Yay me. I just grabbed my pipe, so I'm going to smoke that roach now, and then shoot off a text to Michael to text me back when he wakes up.
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