Completely sick of it...

I'm sick of the whining. I'm sick of the temper tantrums. I'm sick of being publicly embarassed, because apparently it's okay for the kids to say "dick" in a heavily populated area, but not "cunt."
I'm just sick of it.
And part of me wants to go ahead and "take a walk down the street," except that "down the street" is my term for "over to Michael's house." I want to get away from these bratty little fucks. I want to be alone. I want to get high. Sobriety isn't for me. It never really was.

Now, I could just go around and raid my allergy meds, but that would just make me more tired, hence more irritable. I don't want to be around John. I don't want to be around anyone right now... especially the kids. And for some reason, Louis finds it fun to come in here every two seconds so he can tell me that he can kill some thing on a game he's playing. Great. Do I care? No. Would I ever fucking care? No.
I come back here to be by myself. Not so that you follow me. Get it, got it, good.

And it's getting a lot worse since the twenty-fourth is coming by so soon. One week. Seven days. This is my week from hell. And it hasn't really started yet. If I end up killing myself, just assume that the depression has finally gotten to me.
And there's not a second that's going by that I'm not thinking about him. Even if it's just some small tidbit in the back of my mind, he's there.

I really wish Michael would befriend me again. I can't deal with this alone.

Somebody help me.



And I didn't actually sleep last night. I tossed and turned for about thirty minutes, then got back up and back on the computer. I'm running off absolutely no energy, and I feel like shit. And I need to get high. Note, I don't just "want" to get high, I actually need it. The suicidal tendencies are growing stronger. Drugs are my way away from that all.

I suppose I could go ahead and get a two hour nap right now if I wanted. Or I could wait until they all decide to get on their games and go walking up to Michael's. I'll eventually make a decision.


Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down...