We're so alike...

... and I wish you'd stop seeing the differences.
... and I wish I knew how to make you understand that she's not the one for you.

She takes you for granted, and you come to me with it. I don't know what to say to you, because I wish every time we talk that you were mine. We both have our significant others. I wish I could tell you of the mental abuse I suffer from mine. I wish you would realize that we were meant to be together. I wish you could see this. And I know that unless she completely screws you over or cheats on you, you two will remain together, and I'll be left on the back burner until you need my advice or friendship. Yes, you're a great friend. You're the best friend I've ever had. I just wish that you could see the potential for so much more. You make me want to be a better person.
If I knew the car had the get up and go and the gas in it, I'd have gone to Biloxi tonight, just to see you. I agree that we need to spend time together. I just don't know how to let you see what she's doing to you. My first excuse not to go was because I don't have a drivers' license. I can't afford a ticket if I get pulled over. Then the more I thought about it, that car doesn't have barely any gas in it right now, and I'd get stuck on the side of the road on the way home and have to call John. Then I'd have to explain to him that I left the house at 2AM just to see and console you. Just to talk to you. Just to be near you. Just for the one hug, that one breath on my cheek. I think about this and I just wish that my life could have been easier. I wish that I hadn't stayed in this abusive relationship for so long. I wish that I could have been there for you when you and Sherry broke up. I wish that I could have been yours, and you mine. So I'll sit here, and when John gets up in the morning, I'll pretend that I'm happier than ever with him, just so nobody asks questions. And I'll deal with this shit like I have been for the past three years. Except now I don't have anyone to talk about YOU with. The only other even remotely close friend I have is John, and how do you tell your boyfriend your feelings for your best friend? It's not possible. So I'm going to continue being John's servant until he lets, yes, I said LETS, me get a drivers' license and a job. Until he LETS me be myself and run my own life. Because I don't have a choice. Because I manage to get myself into shit that I never should have gotten into in the first place.
I should have made it clear to John when we were in Oklahoma that I wasn't looking for a relationship with him. I was supposed to be with Billy, but then that got screwed up because he turned out to be a lying bastard living with some woman and her seven kids. Telling me I was the only one, telling me that one of her children were his when he rightfully knew that that little girl wasn't.
It's so fucking easy to lie. Especially when you don't give a fuck about the person. But how do I manage not to tell you my feelings towards you when I care SO MUCH about you? I want to cry and be held in your arms. I want to snuggle you in bed at night. I want to be there when your nightmares come back. I want to be there through all of your struggles not just as a friend, as a girlfriend or wife. I want to be your everything, and I don't know how to let you know.
And it's times like this that the suicidal tendencies come back, because I just don't know how to deal with this. And I'd like to smoke a joint, but anyone who might have the tiniest bit is in NV, and I'm so far away. The only person I could possibly turn to would be Chris, but I don't have his number anymore and he's too far away. And he wouldn't want to talk about that anyhow. He's not big on relationships.
So how, how do I deal with this? Do I just ignore these feelings and hope that they go away? Do I continue to open up to you about every other thing on the face of the planet but this? Do I sit here exhausted waiting for you to fulfill your promise by getting on Yahoo? I stayed up for you. I could have gone to bed with John, but I stayed up for you. I'm freezing my ass off, but I stayed up for you. I would do anything for you, and I wish you could see that. And yes, I sound completely neurotic. But it's 3:30AM, and I've been up all day and night waiting for you.

I am completely head over heels in love with you, and I have no way of making you see.